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The Room Returns (Coming Soon)

I have been extremely inactive on this page and, to those of you who’ve stuck around, I’m embarrassed! I’ve been doing a ton of screenwriting, with goals to move the needle on a bunch of years-old projects. This plus Work have been taking up the majority of my time. But as if to knock us down, reality’s come around, and another writers’ strike is here.

Mind you, I’ll be writing and creating shit more aggressively than ever to make the most out of this time…. But the current state of the industry has shown me I enjoy writing so much that I need to be doing it as frequently as possible. And writing is the best exercise to be a better writer. Gotta keep clickety-clacking at my computer as much as possible.

Like Jesse Eisenberg’s character in The Social Network in a way.

Also, Twitter is going to shit and we all fucking hate it now.

And it’s gotten even worse than THIS, too. This image is outdated. I fucking hate this world.

All of this to say: I will be posting Substacks on a new, significantly more frequent schedule. There will be a variety of new TYPES of posts, and my 2023 agenda contains discussion of the movies and TV I love, reflections on my own mental health (and maybe even yours!), some angry ramblings about politics, and much more.

I should be getting three-or-so posts up a week starting April 24th.

But since you been gone…

I hope you’ve all been well. I’ve been like always- up and down, side to side, hot and cold, yes then no. Bipolar is bipolar, and it tends to behave bipolar-ly. I started writing these posts last Summer and, since then, have met new people who have made my heart explode with joy, sadness, love, all of it.

I’ve been terrified of losing everything, I’ve been convinced that all will be well. I’ve held people in my arms who I never thought I’d see again and said I love you to people whose hearts I’ve broken. Some of them said it back, too.

For me, there’s been a world of learning, growing, and change. But the opportunities to do better never stop, and there’s always room to grow. I feel like, while the past few months have matured me tremendously, I still struggle with many of the same flaws.

It’s crazy how much we can know about ourselves- how aware we can be of the chinks in our armor- and how they can still bite us in the ass. Even when we’re trying so damn hard to do better. Even when we really really mean it this time.

These aforementioned bites in the ass can serve as a sobering reminder that achieving awareness of a problem within yourself can often be very, very far from actually solving it. I mean, recognizing a part of You that You need to fix or change… it’s hard. And it feels like a tremendous accomplishment because it is one.

Since the road to making that realization can be taxing, we want to reward ourselves with comfort once we’ve finally gotten there. Only problem is (Duh), you can build yourself a comfort zone out of which it’s hard to progress. So we think “Gee, I know that I [insert thing You need to fix about You], but now that I KNOW I’ve got this problem, I can move forward.” Well, that’s true… but you have to make sure you’re moving forward in the right direction.

I know where I need to tune up, but that’s just step one. Applying these changes? It’s a long process. And it’s hard to rewrite part of your internal code when it was written all wrong. Our brains work in ways we shouldn’t be expected to even slightly understand, whether you’re diagnosed with bipolar disorder like me or you’re “neuro typical” (spoiler alert, that word describes like six people on this entire planet).

My instincts to always make an extra joke, always say an extra thing, always ask the extra question, betray me time and again. They make my life so much more complicated, even though I am well-aware of what’s going on. They’ve been seen and recognized by me, by professional specialists, by my family and friends.

And yet it’s still on me to get it together.

And if there’s something you know you need to fix, I hate to break it to you: you've gotta fix it too. But you don’t have to do it alone.

More poetic musings Coming Soon on the Cameron K sub stack page.